How to Miss the Boat Completely

A wife's moment of thoughtlessness has devastating effects on her husband

I posted the following to X earlier today, but I think it bears sharing here.

For the past several decades, women have been actively discipled to dismiss men’s inner lives and trained to never do anything for the explicit pleasure of men.

Meanwhile, men have been demonized as villains.

That leads to scenarios like this one, where a profound moment for a middle-aged man is tossed aside, Lord only knows why.

But it’s heartbreaking to witness how, in a flash, this man is dehumanized. And yet I know from my work that it’s all too common.

Watch the video first, then read my post in response, which you can find on X HERE.

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The sad part is that her insensitivity to him has been a part of their relationship for a long time.

Notice he’s not surprised by her response. He quits immediately, because he knew he wasn’t going to get anywhere. He took a risk and finally had enough.

Here’s a simple man thinking about a simple thing: the story behind 40 years of wire. He’s probably reflecting on memories of what he made with it.

And also, truthfully it’s about his worries about aging and what it means for him to be metaphorically “running to the end of the spool.”

This spool of wire, which he remembers in its youthful fullness, has all but run out.

In other words, this gray-bearded, middle-aged man is thinking about death. That’s what’s going on. Even if he doesn’t know it or can’t articulate it.

Meanwhile his wife can only see his Jets hat, ie. his surface outer life. His actual inner reality has little meaning or value to her even when he’s showing her as clearly as he can who he is:

A man who may have realized for the first time that he is not immortal.

Someday, he is going to die.

That’s why this hurts to watch. That’s why he quits immediately. A private moment has been crushed and there’s no fixing it.

Even worse, his wife is filming him reckoning with his morality.

Why is she doing that? He’s sitting outside deep in thought, and her instinct is to get the smartphone camera running and hide behind it while she interrogates him, even while she knows he’s upset?

How awful. An entitled betrayal.

Not the first time this has happened either. He’s not surprised to see the phone.

Meanwhile, she probably complains to her friends that he doesn’t “meet her emotional needs.”

Perhaps she’s never reflected on how her own actions towards him contribute to that. Perhaps none of her friends or her mother have ever suggested that she bears some responsibility.

They failed her. And she failed him. But again, it’s not the first time.

Though if the pattern fits, it may be the last.

Because either she will offer a profound apology (unlikely), or he’ll swallow this (probable). And either that will make him very sick (bad) or lead to a massive fight and possible divorce.

The fight would actually be better. Let it all pour out and pray that she gets to see her faults and failures in the process too.

Let her own feminine pride be shattered as she realizes for the first time the depth of the man that she’s ignored, dismissed, and commoditized.

Because he wanted her to know him just then. She either couldn’t or wouldn’t. Perhaps she never could or would in the first place.

But thankfully there is a God in heaven. Redemption is woven into the fabric of the universe.

So maybe, just maybe this moment being elevated to international scrutiny will give her the chance to know her husband for the first time.

Then perhaps they can truly start to know each other, as both of their spools of wire run down.

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