Last week, I released this podcast with Pastor Seth Troutt, and something he said completely reframed how I think about the masculinity crisis facing many Christian churches. The church has spent so much time calling out the aggressive, domineering men—and we should—but we're missing an equally destructive problem hiding in plain sight.
Seth put it perfectly: "Someone who's wildly passive, limp, impotent in life, who's leaned out, who withdraws, who hides, who pouts, that is every bit as toxic as the abusive person."
Every. Single. Bit.
The Two Ditches of Modern Masculinity
In our conversation, Seth described what he calls the "peacock" versus the "male black widow." The peacock flaunts his feathers, demanding attention and admiration, often crushing others to make himself feel bigger. But the male black widow allows himself to be devoured because he has no sense of self-worth or purpose. I’ve seen this same behavior in men, too!
Seth pointed out that both are rooted in the same fundamental error: on one hand, men have forgotten they're not God. But on the other, they've forgotten they're made in God's image.
The passive man doesn't think God put him on earth to do anything meaningful. The aggressive man thinks he IS the meaningful thing. Neither understands biblical humility—the recognition that you're simultaneously a sinner in desperate need of grace AND a son of the Most High King with a divine calling.
When Shortcuts Become Spiritual Poison
One of the most striking parts of our conversation—and one that I was profoundly grateful for—was Seth's warning about TRT abuse among Christian men. He knows endocrinologists who won't put men on hormone therapy unless their wives agree to do it together—because testosterone is psychoactive and fundamentally changes how men relate to each other, and to women.
"A testosterone-enhanced man is as different from most men as most men are different from women," Seth explained. The implications for marriage and family are staggering.
But here's what really got me: most guys pursuing TRT haven't even tried the ordinary means first. Sleep, diet, exercise, stress management—the basic stewardship of the body God gave them. They want pharmaceutical magic, not long, slow biblical obedience and faithfulness.
Let’s be clear: this isn't just about hormones. It's about a generation of men who've been trained to expect shortcuts instead of doing the hard work of becoming who God designed them to be.
The Framework That's Actually Working
Seth has developed what he calls the "Masculinity Pyramid" that's helping men in his church navigate these waters. I thought it was fantastic:
Humility (Man is not God) - Recognizing both your desperate need for grace and your incredible value as God's son
Discipline (Man is not animal) - Ordering your desires and living according to your values, not your impulses
Responsibility (Man is not boy) - Taking care of yourself first, then expanding your care to others
Chivalry (Man is not woman) - Strength that honors, initiation that protects
What I love about this framework is how it addresses both extremes. The passive man needs to embrace Seth’s encouragement to take responsibility and exercise righteous strength. The aggressive man needs to learn humility and channel his energy toward honoring others.
Personal Transformation Is Possible
Another very powerful part of our conversation was Seth's testimony. In high school, he was that guy—captain of sports teams, voted most attractive, etc.—but he used his sharp tongue to make teachers and students cry. He was leading worship on Sundays while destroying people Monday through Friday!
It took multiple mentors, a devastating breakup, and even his best friend cutting him off before he finally had "ears to hear." Sometimes, as Seth learned, humility comes through humiliation.
But here's the beautiful part: that same sharp edge that he once used to wound is now being used by God to help other men. His experience with pride makes him uniquely qualified to reach the Andrew Tate wannabes in our churches. He has some of that edge that young men are seeking, but he’s tempered it with godly wisdom.
The Inheritance We're Passing Down
As I prepare for my wedding in just over a month, Seth's heart for his five-year-old son really meant a lot. He's writing his book as an inheritance for Jay—not just financial security, but a spiritual and practical framework for biblical manhood.
How many of us received that kind of intentional investment from our fathers? How many of us are providing it for the next generation?
The bottom line is that the masculinity crisis isn't going to be solved by more blog posts or social media arguments. It's going to be solved by men like Seth who do the hard work of personal transformation and then invest that wisdom into the men around them.
Key Moments
[00:00:00] TRT's psychoactive effects on Christian men
[00:04:12] The complete masculinity pyramid framework
[00:13:12] Two types of toxic masculinity in the church
[00:17:06] The peacock vs. male black widow dynamic
[00:28:22] Seth's transformation from arrogant athlete to humble pastor
[00:44:06] How ongoing sanctification works in practice
[00:59:00] Why Christian endocrinologists require spousal consent for TRT
[01:18:37] Biblical dating advice: attraction, worldview, low drama
Key Insights
Biblical masculinity starts with humility—recognizing you're not God but you're made in His image
Most "toxic masculinity" is actually the absence of masculine virtues, not an excess
Passive men cause as much relational damage as aggressive men, just differently
TRT creates personality changes that can destroy Christian marriages
Personal transformation requires receiving correction from loving mentors who aren't afraid to confront
The goal isn't to avoid aging but to age gracefully, moving strength from outward to inward
Notable Quotes
"If you're not doing [TRT] through ordinary means, you probably have no business doing it"
"There's a type of humility that only comes from humiliation"
"I don't think men are called to try to change the world, but I do think they're called to change their corner of the world"
"People are objectively interesting. If you're not interested in them, then that's your problem"
"One of the ways I aspire to be countercultural is to age"
"The best is yet to come. Always, always."
Connect with Seth Troutt
Watch on YouTube
Ready to grow as a biblical man? Limited mentorship spots: willspencer.co/mentorship
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